notes from the field

ANOTHR CBD Press Release

Reykjavik, Iceland/ November 17th, 2020/ PRopaganda NEWSWIRE

Vandelay Industries, Inc. today announced the launch of it’s much anticipated CBD brand: ANOTHR. With a sophisticated product line that includes topicals, salves, balms, vape cartridges, gums, lozenges, glues, shampoos, stain removers, dish soaps, laundry detergents and saddle waxes, ANOTHR joins the fast-growing OTC DTC USA CBD marketplace.

“What the world needs most right now, even more than action on climate change, social justice, income equality, a coronavirus vaccine or student debt relief is, of course, another CBD brand,” said Vandelay CEO Arthur P. Vandelay. “There are simply not enough options for consumers looking for mediocre, hastily developed CBD products reliant on Instagram advertising, celebrity influencers and broken website ecommerce channels.”

ANOTHR spent a decade developing a proprietary strain of hemp which was then cross pollinated with the gland extractions of exotic Central American river toads, tailor made to confuse consumers and defy logic in the eyes of retailers and PR flacks. Cultivated just outside the picaresque Chinese steel province of Xinjiang, the Hemp is fully sungrown--when the sun is able to penetrate the perma-smog. 

Vandelay continued “We are the first (or at least the 7th) CBD company to use not only full spectrum hemp extractions but just in case we also used broad spectrum and even low spectrum, to cover our bases. Of course, there is no way of confirming or validating our declarations so we hope the consumer will simply take our word for it.”

Director of Communications and Propaganda Ann Platypus commented, “We’re excited to be a pilot partner in Facebook’s new mind mapping telepathy hyperloop project whereby relevant brands and products that you didn’t know you need in order to be cool are created out of whole cloth as cheaply as possible. Facebook’s new technology is a gamechanger for anyone looking to make a quick buck. In particular, we have found early success working alongside administrators of QAnon and other white supremacist groups that now make up the majority of Facebook’s 4.8 billion users.”

ANOTHR’s product line was crafted around the specific effects that customers say they want, though there is absolutely no evidence to support this. The “Bored Out of My Mind” line is intended for people stuck at home in quarantine, “I think maybe feel I something” for placebo-seeking customers, “Cowardly” for those whom the idea of feeling any psychoactivity is simply beyond the pale and “No Pain, No Gain” for those seeking relief from Peloton-induced inflammation.

Consumers can expect to find ANOTHR products at all fine gas stations, strip clubs and dive bars across the United States, except Kansas and South Dakota because of their refusal to abide by local mask mandates. 

For more disinformation, fake news and propaganda please visit NotAnotherCBDbrand.lowthc
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